Adulting is Hard

I really wanted to enter this year with a smile on my face and hope in my heart but not six days in the reality of being an adult hit hard. I wrote that nice little piece about my year in review and it made me feel good, then life came along and punched me in the kidneys just to remind me it isn’t all rainbows and sunshine!

I know what you’re thinking, here goes another millennial complaining about how hard they have it when back in my day we didn’t bitch and moan, we did something about it! Well, just a little reminder, times change and things aren’t like how our parents had it and everyone’s life is different. Try as I might to do something about it, and I do try extremely hard, I just can’t seem to get a good grip on life. I just keep reminding myself that these struggles are a part of life but, fuck it sucks when they come along!

So here is just a little glimpse into some of the struggles I have been facing.

The first starts with my education. I have a very specific dream for my life that requires a decent amount of education. I’ve already accomplished a lot but there are still one or two more steps to take before I get to where I think I should be. I put a lot of pressure on myself regarding plans for myself, probably more than my family or even Tyler knows. So I worked really hard to get my bachelors degree in history and then my masters degree in museum studies. This, of course, led to a massive amount of student loan debt. I’m talking six figures here and I’m not done with my educational goals yet. I still want to get my PhD in Ancient History so I can either become a curator in that field or a professor. That means, if I don’t get funding, even more student loans. While I worked out an income-based loan repayment option and plan to consolidate all my loans when the last one comes out of its grace period, that extremely large number still looms in the back of my mind.

The second comes from just being an adult. This year I turned 26, which should be exciting but left me worrying that last few months of being 25 what I was going to do about health insurance. If you know me, you know I get sick a lot just because of how I am built as a person. I also have terrible, horrific, deplorable eyesight and, oh yeah, a majority of my teeth are fake (I should tell you guys that story!). All of these things require a lot of medical upkeep. So being on top of things like I am, I applied for the Healthy Indiana Plan. I went through the whole process only to be rejected because I make $72 dollars more a month than the cap. A whole $72 dollars kept me from really cheap healthcare! Good thing I have researched other options and hopefully will find something reasonable in the near future. Hopefully, life doesn’t realize this lack of insurance in the meantime and decide to kick me while I’m down.

Finally, my job itself. Don’t get me wrong here, I love my job. I love my job so much that I actually look forward to Monday’s! That being said, and I know I’ve talked about this before, I do not make enough money. I make a decent amount, just enough to get me through each month with very little if any left over after bills and groceries. Thank goodness Tyler and I ride to work together because buying gas would probably kill me. I continue to look for other opportunities everyday and even applied to an opportunity in December that would be even more perfect than my current position but I’m a little hesitant. I want to find the job of my dreams but I also want to get that PhD! What if I find a great job before I get accepted or what if I hold out on a job just to be rejected?

Ugh, anxiety sure can be a bitch! So can being an adult for that matter! While I feel like more could have been done to prepare me for this time in my life like classes in high school, most of the blame falls on me alone. I, and pretty much everyone, couldn’t wait to become an adult and now that it’s here I don’t really want it. Is there an option to return this life for another one? Or has my return period run out?

All jokes aside, I know this if the life I was dealt and the life I worked really hard for. Getting knocked down and just feeling down is a part of all of it. I know that even though I have all these plans that life is never going to go exactly the way I want it to. But I also know that maybe, just maybe, if I keep working hard, doing my neurotic research and just keep on keeping on I will get a little bit of what I want. Adulting is hard and will probably get harder but I am happy I at least made it this far.

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